When my Mom was fearful, or sad, or felt pretty much any emotion, she turned to Psalms. One of her favorites was Psalm 91. David wrote roughly half of them, and I love how he just laid his cards down for God. “This is how I am feeling, but I am going to trust You,” is the theme of many. He worked out problems in a song or poem form, and then seemed to be able to let it go.
A few years after Mom went to heaven, I still had so much trouble understanding why. I will probably never really know. But I will never forget a revelation one of her best friends gave me. She said, “Sarah, God can handle your anger.” Up until then, I am not sure I had really even acknowledged I was angry. We aren’t supposed to be mad at God, are we?
When we are angry, it isn’t like God is up there wondering how we feel. He knows our confusion, hurt, and misunderstandings, and He gets it much better than we do! He loves it when we bring a problem to Him and ask for help instead of trying, and failing, to solve it ourselves. When storms of life hit, God knows we are human and need to process the situation. It is normal to feel negative emotions, even toward God. What we can’t let happen is to stay angry with Him and not move on. We need to be like David and tell God how we feel. He can work on our hearts in a way that brings peace.
Over the years since that conversation, I find that the more authentic I am with my feelings, the better the outcome. The deeper I dig (no matter how ugly those emotions are), the faster I can get to the root. I may start out with bitterness or unforgiveness, but as long as I get to the “but I trust You” part, I am growing. It is actually very freeing to realize I don’t have to understand everything. My job isn’t to know; it is to trust and keep moving forward.