Since I have been very vocal on here about starting a book, I wanted to give you an update. This is week 4 of school, and I am learning as much as my girls!
The second day of school I sat down and started my First Book. That week, I wrote an outline and notes for each chapter. The plan was to have a first draft before Christmas. I spent the next week and a half stressed out about getting it done and worried that Labor Day would push me back. What was I thinking? Pressure and I do not go hand in hand. It makes me anxious and just plain wears me out. Yes, the word “crazy” comes to my mind too.
One of the things that sucked all of my energy was that I ended up writing in a style and about a topic I am not built for. It felt like I was just putting words together and getting enough so I could call it a day. What made me tired yet exhilarated the first week made me plain old tired last week. I was trying to be someone else when I was made to be me.
What made me see the light? All of my readers (friends) telling me my book will be great and that they love my honesty and transparency. All of your sweet words mean so much, and God uses them to show me what I have to offer. The way I was writing fits someone else, not me.
So did I waste three weeks and thousands of words? NO! I am proud that I didn’t sit back and put off starting, but instead dove into this challenge. It isn’t a wasted experience if I learned from it.
I didn’t fail because I have to start over. Failure would be stopping now and saying “I can’t.” Or not ever starting. I am just being redirected.
Ron Dunn said, “Prayer is not a substitute for work, or merely preparation for work. It IS work.” When I decided to step back, I spent more time in prayer. I cried, read my Bible, and got rest. This goal won’t be done in my power, so I needed to reconnect with my Savior.
I have no idea why I gave myself a deadline when no one else did, or why I picked my ideas. But I am doing what I don’t normally do: give myself grace. I refuse to beat myself up over a setback. God wanted to give me a hug and let me know I am made a certain way for a reason. He had to let me try my way so I could remember I need Him. Every hour I need Him! The book will be finished at the right time when He is at the center. We are on a journey together, and this is a step forward, not backward.
I want to thank each one of you who has taken time to encourage me this year. I soak up the words and use them to push me!
The Lord will work out His plans for my life-
for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.