Looking Back

Almost two years ago I started writing out my prayers. This happened for about eight months. The other day while cleaning I found these prayers.

There were times I saw God come through fast and build my faith and wonder. Things we had just asked for were given. My excitement practically leapt off the page! It is so much fun to look back and see God’s hand at work.

Sandwiched between those answers was pain, loneliness, and frustration. I began one day with “It’s me begging again.” I felt such desperation to find something I could do to make money for our family to use and give. I had tangible desires that were godly, so where was God?

Reading through it now, I see how my heart changed. Here are some of the things I said:

“I am on my knees asking for Your help. It takes wisdom to find the perfect thing and I need Your help and patience.”

“You put me here to make a difference through me, despite me. Please prepare my heart. Make me patient and pliable.”

“This Bible study hurts today. My church does not have prayer meetings and if it did, I probably would not go. I don’t like to pray out loud. Lord please help me get over that! Take away that fear and uncomfortable feeling. I want to be used by You and maybe that is how You want to use me.” (He did!)

“You are God, You are good, and I am nothing. You should scrape me off the bottom of Your shoe and move on but You embrace me.”

“I want to serve You the ways You have planned for me.”

“My hunger and thirst for You has definitely increased lately.”

“I want to be known as the one who prays.” (This took my breath away. Little did I know that I would become known for this!)

“You have something so great planned for me and my family and I can’t wait to know it!”

Toward the end, I started to praise more and ask less. I began to thank God for what He was going to do in my life. I went from begging to praising. Being able to look back and see my growth shows me God’s faithfulness. He knew I wasn’t ready for this blog yet. I still needed more molding, more testing, more refining.

The last prayer was written the day before our first prayer meeting. I stopped writing prayers out because a series of things happened to me and members of my family. It took everything I had to hold on to hope. There were days I could only do the bare minimum for my family and even that got messed up. As soon as one situation would be resolved, another crisis would pop up. Health-life and death issues. School-my girls really needed me. Ultimate spiritual warfare took my family into Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was a very heavy time.

We started the prayer meetings right when all of these attacks began. If I hadn’t had the months of studying the Bible extra, learning to pray, and growing closer to God, our family would have crumbled. God was our Rock. The waiting and hoping part grew old, but it saved us. Reading these prayers is a good reminder to me that God has to lay ground work in us.

God is faithful and will bring us through problems at HIS pace. He will answer our prayers in HIS time. He will make us want HIS will when we ask Him to. God knows what He is doing and how He wants to use us.

We just need to keep trusting Him.



Linking with the Saturday Soiree.


16 thoughts on “Looking Back

  1. Hey Sarah … Yes, yes, I love writing my prayers, too. My journaling is my prayers. Period. Don’t you find you’re most focused when you’re writing your heart’s cry down in living color? And then you get the joy of tracking back who He was in the middle of it all.

    The small group we’re in has just started talking through Philip Yancey’s book, PRAYER. I’m ready to read it. To live it much better than I do.

    Thanks for sharing these words with us …

  2. What a great testimony of how God prepared you in advance for that hard time, Sarah. I love to write out prayers too. In fact most days I write out a brief one or two sentence prayer in response to scripture I read.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, Sarah. A few reminders that I needed to hear were the reminders to write or journal our prayers, as well as our answered prayers. I also love the reminder that we need to remember sometimes we should just be praising God without asking for something from Him. The waiting can be the hardest part, but it is so encouraging to look back and see that His timing was better than ours would have been. Thanks for the beautiful post!

  4. I’m so glad I stopped by and read this. I was just thinking earlier today how God often draws me near in a very real way before I face a season of trial. He fortifies me for what I will face. I see He did that for you, too.

  5. Sarah,
    How did I miss this one?! I love reading about your journey and yes, God is faithful and worthy of our trust, but oh, how difficult it is sometimes! I love that you want to serve him in all the ways he’s planned for you — they are sometimes different than we think, aren’t they? But so worth the journey! Keep pressing on!

  6. Amen! It’s so important to know God and His promises for us BEFORE the crisis hits or the next trial begins. He is ALWAYS with us, but if we don’t Him, it’s so much harder to cling to Him during the roughest days! Visiting today from the #DreamTogether linkup. Have a great week!

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