Waiting seems to be the story of my life for the last few years. Now I am beginning to see there will always be times for activity and times for waiting. The ebb and flow of life. When I recognize those times of waiting, what I do is just as important as when I am in the bustling times.
This weekend, my family had a twenty four hour period of excruciating waiting. I refreshed my email way too often, wondered if my phone was working, and fretted many hours away. It was literally twenty three and a half hours of that.
Finally, I stopped. I had been praying, but this time I prayed differently. I told God I was sorry for behaving like this and for not trusting Him. I do trust Him, but something had been broken or disconnected in those hours. This prayer became one of those times of confession where I felt so bad about it that I cried. Maybe the world wouldn’t understand why my faith disappearing was so bad, but I knew. My heart had to break open and feel how it must make God feel. I was so sad. But then I didn’t feel sad anymore. God wanted me to understand, but only for a minute. Then I felt peace and light. I was back to knowing who is in control and who isn’t.
Within minutes, my phone rang. It was what I had been waiting for. Did y’all read that? Maybe ten minutes after I confessed my temporary insanity, God made things happen. That was not a coincidence! I had to learn a lesson and right what was wrong, which wouldn’t have happened if the call came earlier.
It appears I am still short on patience and trust. God knows I will need these qualities the rest of my life, so He keeps building them in me. It is hard at the time, but each time it makes me stronger. There will always be circumstances out of my control that take their sweet time. I have to learn to keep my dependence on God or confess when I don’t.
Sometimes admitting to God that we haven’t had faith is the most difficult thing to do, but it has the most benefits. God knows the condition of our hearts, but we still have to confess our weakness to Him. He promised to give us strength when we need it. Psalm 29:11 says The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.
Even though our house selling situation is up in the air again, I am choosing to trust God. God always proves faithful to me, and I am fixing on His will over my own. He will work it all out.
I am linking with Holley Gerth!