Over the weekend, I had one of those nights. I felt like I was failing at everything. I wanted to be a better wife and mother, write easier, sell more, and raise more money, but it felt like I hit a wall in every area. I was trying so hard and doing all I could think to do. I was spinning my wheels, going nowhere, drowning.
I collapsed into bed with an overwhelmed spirit, feeling like I can’t find my place and oh so lonely. Tears poured out and down the sides of my face and into my hair-tears that had been at the surface, building up until they spilled out.
“I can’t do this anymore!” my heart cried out to God. In the next ten minutes, my worries tumbled out and kept time with the tears. I didn’t want to stop them, because I knew I needed to take my heartache to the One who put that heart in me. No one else understands where I have been and where I am going like Jesus. No one else gets the anguish I feel.
I came to one realization at this time. I have done everything in my power, praying all the while. I am just at the point where I need to step back and let God work. Maybe in some areas, the timing is off. I prayed for peace and rest. I know nothing gets done without God and am usually OK with that. I needed the reminder to sit back and wait instead of scurry around trying to do it all and fix it all.
It was a moment I had to come to the end of my strength and then reach out for more. God had to let me get to that place so I could see what I was doing wrong. I needed to see that maybe He wants me to try a different tact or wait a little. Either way, I needed to give everything back to God.
I didn’t wake up the next morning with everything fixed and humming along. The situations may not have changed, but I have. God is giving me peace when I ask for it, but just enough for each day. I can’t let it get to that point again. I don’t know what is going to come of the circumstances of my life, but that knowing was an illusion anyways. I must do my part and let God do His.
When I am overwhelmed, it is my heart longing for God. It is my signal to stop, step back and pray. There is no other way to get back on track.
Thank You, Jesus, for wanting me by Your side. Thank You for never giving up on me. I won’t give up on Your plans.
Linking with Holley Gerth