Sunday was our anniversary. These twelve years have flown by as years do! Our girls are 7 and 9 and we have built a life together.
I think back to those early years and can’t help but smile. We were poor and clueless in a lot of ways. We made it, but what would I say to myself in those first years?
So, you got married and now you think things are going to be easy? This is real life, not a fairy tale. Real life is messy. Oh, I know you kept the wedding small and put the focus more on the future and buying a house. You secretly think that and going through counseling and reading a book together will ease the transition. But honestly, two just became one. Two individuals just began a journey that will take the rest of their lives. Two people now have to think like one and figure out life. That isn’t easy. You and Young James are practically babies and are trying to find out where you fit in. Don’t rush that and don’t push him away. Try to take each thing as it comes.
I understand there are going to be moments of friction. There are going to be days of painful adjustments. These times will shave off the rough edges you both have and help you fit together better. Don’t discount them or push through them. Look at why they are painful and try to learn from them. Remember that they serve a purpose. When you are crying and releasing all that emotion alone, remember that that is just how you are wired and does not actually mean you are alone.
When James has disappointed you by something he said or did, remember he is adjusting to a new normal too. Give him grace and acknowledge that he never meant to hurt you. Don’t lob something at him that you can’t take back. Do your best to see the situation from his perspective. You will never work out every detail or win every argument, but that isn’t the point. The point of marriage is for two people to stay looking and heading in the same direction. When you can never meet in the middle, you start turning away from each other slowly. Pretty soon you can realize you are worlds apart. Resolve now to never let that happen.
There will be days where you are more in love than ever and days where it is tougher to love. That is life. Remember the sun will come up tomorrow and bring up more chances. If you need a do over, you got one. If you want another day to love him, you got that too. This life will be what you make it, so make it the best you can.
Trust me: you will get past these years and be able to look back at them with a smile. They got you to a beautiful life.
Older and Wiser Me
Linking with Holley Gerth