Y’all, I screwed up. Last week I yelled at my sweet Lauren for a dumb reason. I let Satan get a foothold on my insecurities, and he kicked in the door.
One school night, Lauren asked me if I wanted to do her hair. I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I asked her. Neither of my girls has ever been interested in me doing anything to her hair but brushing it, and Lauren has been taking care of that herself for the last few years. This fateful night, she told me, “Well, you don’t really do anything to your own hair, but do you want to do mine?” That ticked me off, but I didn’t get really angry until she made the same comment a few minutes later. I may have also kicked her boots that I had asked her to move multiple times already. Oh yeah, that went well.
I found a room by myself and sobbed for quite some time. It was one of those nights I missed Mom so bad it hurt. But I realized the reason I missed her so much is because I want to be like her. Mom was so good with our hair that other moms brought their girls to her so she could do their hair for special events. I compare myself to her in so many ways and rarely feel like I measure up as a mom. I knew if I could talk to her she would tell me how silly I was being. She would calm me down by telling me how bad she was at something else. She was good like that-always the first one to make fun of herself. Without those conversations, I let myself believe I am a bad mom.
It is true I have never been into fancy hairstyles, but I am so rusty at even braiding since my own girls never wanted to sit still for long. Having Lauren ask out of the blue just reminded me of the family and friends who act like I am inept with hair since Kaitlyn’s hair looks crazy minutes after being brushed. They don’t see all the times I have tried taming it.
Later that night when I went in to pray with Lauren, she apologized. She didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but she remembered when I used to ask her if she wanted me to do her hair. I guess she wanted to give me a chance. I told her I overreacted and explained to her why it upset me and all was well.
Yes, this was all silly and maybe you don’t relate to hair problems. Really, this was my heart problem. I can’t give in to the lies that say I’m not good enough. I can’t assume everyone is judging me for my kids’ hair, even when they make comments. I only have one life here, and I can’t waste it yelling at my kids because I am insecure. Maybe I don’t have mad hair skillz, but I have a lot of other things going for me. The biggest thing I have is Jesus in me. He gave me the talents meant for me. Comparing them to someone else is just asking for trouble.
This was a small thing, but it taught me a big lesson. I need to control my thoughts so they don’t control me. I was made for great things, and so are you. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise!
Linking with Holley Gerth