Can I be honest?
I have been struggling lately. The issues have all been in my head, so those around me weren’t aware. When I felt prompted to write about this, I said no. I really don’t want to air this. I don’t want to look petty or whiny, so I hope you don’t take it that way.
The night I had my moment of clarity and subsequent prompt to write about it, I said, “I will if You help me remember tomorrow.” You know those brilliant thoughts you have as you are about to go to sleep? The ones you have to write down or else they will be gone in the morning? Yeah, I was hoping this would be like that….
Here goes. My distress is due to the fact that most of my family and friends have not bought my book. Lame reason, I know. When I became “an author,” I thought those close to me would be as happy as I was and run to Amazon to order a copy. I mean, someone they know wrote a book! Turns out, I am one of the only people who feel that way.
That’s OK. It has to be.
Look, I know other people don’t want to read a book about spending less. And they certainly don’t want to feel guilty if they aren’t giving much. So they probably think reading this would be uncomfortable. Hey, I didn’t care if they read it. I just wanted them to buy it because I wrote it. My sister, who is very big on not spending money, was reminding me that the topic isn’t for everyone.
Trust me. I know.
I also know this is common among other people. Many people write books that their families don’t read. Hearing that should have made me feel better, but honestly it didn’t. I tried to push away from sadness so I didn’t head over to bitterness. My family loves me. I know that. They are proud of me.
Well, the other night, as I was praying about it again, God spoke to me. He told me not to push my experiences on them. I had had this day of awakening almost two years ago, and I wouldn’t want to take that from anyone. I wouldn’t want to push them to decide to give more if they weren’t ready for it. Timing isn’t up to me. We are all in different situations and serve different needs. My aha moments are not the same as anybody’s.
I am choosing to accept that.
Why do I feel led to share this? Why should I put out there that I have felt like a failure, or, worse, look like I am begging? I am starting to feel like this applies to more than my meager sales. I know I can’t control anyone but me. I can’t tell people who to vote for or what to believe. I can’t force my husband to think like I do or my kids to say what I want. I can only do what I do and pray for the rest.
The same applies to you.
Linking with Holley Gerth