My head bobs up and I grab a quick breath. As soon as I can form a thought, I sink back down. My fears are overwhelming me and they come at me from all angles. Will my family be OK? Will we have enough? I sink lower. Will we stay healthy? Will the girls do well in school? I am shoved to the right with the force of something I can’t see. In fact, it is completely dark here, and I am at the mercy of the sea.
I start to pray, and with each word I utter, I am pushed closer to the top. I feel my lungs filling up with air and hope to get enough to keep me alive. Another worry drags me down to the depths. Am I doing enough? Do I help people in need or just take too much? Lost in my thoughts, I flip around and don’t know which way is up anymore. My flailing arms are so heavy. Each movement drains my energy to a higher degree than before. Just as panic sets in, I remember the verses I learned as a child and start saying them. Not really sure who I am saying them to, but I am being lifted again. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do no fear for I am your God. I am going faster now and I break the surface. This time I take smaller gulps of air and my lungs are burning more than ever. My muscles start to go limp, but I know the battle has just begun.
The struggle continues as I start to worry again. My brain just keeps churning along with the sea. I feel helpless and want to go to sleep. Every part of me is exhausted. There is one small part of me that has hope still. With that shred, I cry out to God to save me. Rescue me. Hold me. I can’t do this on my own and I need You. I believe in You and trust You to take care of me. My head breaks the surface one last time. I look around me and don’t recognize where I am as the tide has pulled me. But it doesn’t matter as long as I am alive. I will not let the fear pull me under again, for with God I am victorious. He will not let me be overtaken, as long as I come to Him boldly.
I know now that this has all been in my mind. The danger I was fearing was not real, as long as God is by my side. He will not let the waves hurt me.
James 1:6 When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
Linking with Holley Gerth