Pulling Me Under

My head bobs up and I grab a quick breath. As soon as I can form a thought, I sink back down. My fears are overwhelming me and they come at me from all angles. Will my family be OK? Will we have enough? I sink lower. Will we stay healthy? Will the girls do well in school? I am shoved to the right with the force of something I can’t see. In fact, it is completely dark here, and I am at the mercy of the sea.

I start to pray, and with each word I utter, I am pushed closer to the top. I feel my lungs filling up with air and hope to get enough to keep me alive. Another worry drags me down to the depths. Am I doing enough? Do I help people in need or just take too much? Lost in my thoughts, I flip around and don’t know which way is up anymore. My flailing arms are so heavy. Each movement drains my energy to a higher degree than before. Just as panic sets in, I remember the verses I learned as a child and start saying them. Not really sure who I am saying them to, but I am being lifted again. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do no fear for I am your God. I am going faster now and I break the surface. This time I take smaller gulps of air and my lungs are burning more than ever. My muscles start to go limp, but I know the battle has just begun.

The struggle continues as I start to worry again. My brain just keeps churning along with the sea. I feel helpless and want to go to sleep. Every part of me is exhausted. There is one small part of me that has hope still. With that shred, I cry out to God to save me. Rescue me. Hold me. I can’t do this on my own and I need You. I believe in You and trust You to take care of me. My head breaks the surface one last time. I look around me and don’t recognize where I am as the tide has pulled me. But it doesn’t matter as long as I am alive. I will not let the fear pull me under again, for with God I am victorious. He will not let me be overtaken, as long as I come to Him boldly.

I know now that this has all been in my mind. The danger I was fearing was not real, as long as God is by my side. He will not let the waves hurt me.

James 1:6 When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Linking with Holley Gerth

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3 thoughts on “Pulling Me Under

  1. Sarah,
    I can so relate to those feelings of being pulled under with worry, especially in the middle of the night! Sometimes when it seems as if we get on top of them, they come back again and the only place that brings relief is offering our worries to God in prayer. I know I need to do it continually and be willing to leave my worries with him!

  2. Wow…this was so beautifully written, Sarah. I can totally relate to this picture of feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I also use the picture of a broken record. I cant stop their thoughts and emotions and the loudness of the overbearing thoughts and fears make it what seem impossible to even get pass it. But when I do draw near to God He does rescue me! I like this a lot. visiting from #69

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