Last week I was having an attitude problem. Some people said things that irritated me. In my head, I kept rehashing it and thinking of what I wanted to say to them. How did they have the nerve to say things when they aren’t perfect in this area either? Round and round I went, and none of this was helping my mood. It was doing the opposite, actually. I needed help. Ever been there?
While all of this was being discussed in my brain, I heard a voice that was not like the one I normally hear. It said, “Let it go.” (No, this is not all some ruse to get the song stuck in your head, but that is a fun byproduct!) I tend to hold onto my resentment like it is going to get me somewhere. It is not my lifeline and will in fact cause me to sink. Why do I keep feeding it?
Right there I decided to ask for help. I prayed and asked God to help me quit remembering the slights I had perceived. From then on, every time the idea would come up in my mind, which was surprisingly often, I would stop thinking about it. Maybe by trying to see the person in a different way. Maybe by thinking of the person as trying to help me. Or maybe just by thinking about something else.
The next morning, I turned on the radio and heard the line, “I’m done fighting, I’m finally letting go,” from Sidewalk Prophets’ song “Help Me Find It.” OK, OK, I get it. My human brain is not perfect and not always kind. It also tends to remember the things I don’t want it to rather than, for example, what I came to the grocery store to buy.
As time flies by, I am shown more and more that I need this help and these little cues to remind me. Maybe I will start training my brain to fall into this trap less, but I will never be completely free of this habit. It is who I am. I hold in how I feel to keep the peace, but it can eat away at me. Replaying the words or scene does nothing productive and never lets the people know that I am irritated. If I choose not to say something, my only healthy alternative is to drop it and move on.
So I’m dropping it. I’m moving on. I’m letting go.
Linking with Holley Gerth