I don’t like myself much lately.
Other people seem to have it all together while I sit and wonder how they do it. (And sometimes I wonder why.) Oh sure, I tell myself they don’t really have it all together either. Or I tell myself that maybe other people are better than me at some areas but I am better at others. None of that seems to help.
Then I look around and see groups of people and couples who hang out all the time. They are all “my tribe is awesome” and I don’t have that. I have my family and a few close friends. Yes, that is enough, but I see these groups and want what they have. They go and do all this fun stuff in groups, and I feel jealous even though I am not really a group kind of girl.
I have this wonderful life and so many have it worse. I know that. I REALLY know that. I pray for so many people who are having a hard time and I am wallowing in a lame pit of my own silliness.
The other night the pain was so strong and I couldn’t wish it away. The idea of telling myself to get over it and move on occurred to me. Instead I let myself feel. I cried and went to sleep. I knew that the next day would come. With rest and a small amount of distance, the morning would smooth out the rough edges of my mood.
The next morning did indeed happen. Almost like clockwork. My eyes felt heavy but I was alive. My feelings weren’t completely gone. They were there but muted. Mornings bring more clarity to me than night.
Then later that morning I read one of my favorite verses in Philippians. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God is not done with me yet! Y’all I am a mess, even on good days. I don’t get many things right, but I know that I am getting more things right with each passing year. I am not who I want to be, but thanks to Jesus, I am not where I started.
If you have days like I do where you just can’t drag yourself out of that pit right then, remember that it is OK to feel your feelings. You aren’t expected to be perfect and neither am I. We just have to keep striving for better. Some days it may feel like you are taking a step back, but as long as you get up in the morning and push forward, you are making progress. Progress is good.
If you are in a pit now, remember morning is coming. It will bring you some peace and maybe answers. God’s mercies are new every morning and they will help you up. Let Him work on you and make you into who HE created YOU to be.
Linking with Holley Gerth