When Your Body Fails You

This month has been the most difficult one for me in the last few years. At first I kept my pain and fear mostly to myself, which meant it stayed in the dark. I allowed myself to live in a state of anxiety instead of where I need to be: a state of victory.

Once I told people about what was going on, I started to see I am not alone in this stage. Many people understand how I feel, which has greatly reduced the shame I have felt for being so weak.

Fainting and having seizures are things I have had to deal with since I was a child. They have been a part of who I am for so much of my life that I never thought I needed to stop barreling through life. I am busy and am at a part of life where that is a given. It is occurring to me that there are things I am not going to be able to do and others I really should say no to.

It is hard for me to understand that there are so many things I want to do that my body may not be able to. I began to question why God put good desires in my heart if I am not capable of carrying them out. I love being busy and long to be helpful.

All of the issues I am facing bring me back to my Grandma. She came to live with us when I was 10. At that time she was legally blind and needed strong hearing aids, yet she longed to be useful. The many things she used to do were no longer an option, but I never saw that get to her. Mom had her iron clothes (which is why my sister and I never learned how. We blame her!) She couldn’t drive a car or cook, but she could have tea with me. She wrote letters to people to encourage them, using a special guide to help her use the little vision she had. People still tell me how much those letters meant to them. Grandma visited people in nursing homes a few times a week. The people she befriended were ones that no one else visited. She became good friends with them. Grandma’s life was different than it had been, but she was no less useful.

What I believe is what will define me. There is the lie that I am not worth as much if I can not do all I think I should do. Then there is the truth. It is up to me to choose to see that my brain was wired this way. I was made by God. I am still fearfully and wonderfully made because of my Maker. There is nothing wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with any of us since God made us each in His image. He created us and called us good. That is the truth we should cling to and throw away any contradicting thought. We may not understand why God made our bodies the way He did, but we don’t have to. We just have to remember that we are all loved equally and have the same amount of purpose and potential as anybody else.

Linking with Holley Gerth

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12 thoughts on “When Your Body Fails You

  1. What wonderful words of encouragement here. The letter writing – so important today too. I had a special relationship with my Granny so I enjoyed reading about yours. You, sweet friend, are God’s vessel. He has filled you for his purpose and you have offered yourself as an outpouring of him. I’m thankful for your openness and willingness to share your heart.

  2. Oh, friend. How deeply I relate to your heart. I have epilepsy and vasovagal syncope (aka…seizures and passing out easily). It started for me in my teens. I just want you to know I understand. I know the helpless feeling it brings. The frustration. The fear. But I also know (more each day — ok….MOST days) that God is God. I am not a mistake. Seizures and syncope may not be perfect, but He will work it out to glorify Him because He always does. Holding on to truth day by day.
    Sending big hugs. Know you are not alone friend.
    xo

  3. Sarah,
    As we get older these are such wise words to remember — that we all still have a purpose to those in our lives, even though our health may fail or we lose some functionality as we age, we still matter to God and those around us! Praying for your health challenges and for a renewed sense of God in the steps you take each day! xo

  4. Dear Sara … thanks for being real and vulnerable with us today. Sounds like this is a challenging season for sure. May you have the ability to give yourself great big helpings of grace and space. And may you rest in His love for you …

    1. Grace and space are vital now and hard to come by. Some seasons bring challenges that sneak up on us, but I am so thankful to have a God who shows me how to get through them!

  5. Sorry you’ve been facing these challenges, Sarah! It must be frustrating when you’re unable to do the things you want to do. I love the example of your Grandma and how she did what she was able to do. God definitely has a plan and purpose for each of us, even if it is different from the one we have for ourselves.

    1. Grandma was an amazing example for me to have then and I could use her now. I am just at that part in my life that the plans I thought would work may not happen. But God is in control!

  6. Sarah, this is such a beautiful post! I so appreciate your transparency. You’re right, when we can’t live up to self-placed expectations, we end up discouraged. But, God. He created each of us with certain strengths and limitations. Each offers us the opportunity to depend on Him and to seek His best for us. Your grandma must have been such an inspiration to you!

    I really agreed with this: “What I believe is what will define me. There is the lie that I am not worth as much if I can not do all I think I should do.” We must remember that we have worth because we are God’s creation, right?

    Great post.

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