“Come near to God and He will come near to you.” James 4:8
The last few months I have been taking this more literally than I ever have before. Out the window are some time wasters. Gone are activities that don’t serve well anymore. In their place is more of seeking God’s face. Between reading the Bible, writing out verses, and spending time in silence trying to listen to God, things have become more real. God has become more real to me.
I will admit, when I started sitting quietly for 12 minutes at a time, it felt pointless. My mind never stills enough. I always keep bringing it back. But now that this is routine, I find myself praising and thanking God, bursting into worship songs and hymns, and feeling His heart on situations. No, I have not heard audibly, but I feel His presence. My thoughts are different too.
Yesterday was such a sweet time between God and I that I got teary. My soul was focused on God and all that He does for me. There may not have been words spoken back to me, but there didn’t need to be.
One thing I have never liked is to not know what is going to happen. I don’t like waiting for test results. I don’t like feeling in limbo. Just tell me what is going on so I can deal with it. Now that the time is almost upon us to actually begin fostering, much of my life is up in the air. I don’t know when we get a placement and what that child will be like. I don’t know how to make summer plans. I have no clue what I will be doing for a job in the fall. Nothing. When I think of the future, all I see is a blank space.
In the past, this not knowing would be a huge issue that would have me tied in knots. I would think of every scenario that *might* happen and worry. I would lose sleep. I don’t want to say that is the “old me” and the “new me” is so much wiser. There will definitely still be times of worry and sleepless nights. I know my tendency to anxiety will never go away.
Instead of being a stressed out mess, I now have joy. I am peaceful and content. Several times over the last few weeks I have thought about how calm I feel. My life is full of unknowns, and I don’t care. That is what I call progress.
When I made the conscious effort to sit with God and let Him mold me, He got to work. He has always known me inside and out and given me everything, but until recently, I didn’t give Him what He truly wants from me: my attention. God just wants me to spend time with Him. For the first time probably ever, that is what I want more and more.
When we give God our time and attention, He gives us His peace. He gives us His wisdom and His mercy so we can extend it to others. He does all of this because He loves us. He is waiting patiently for anyone who wants to hear from Him.
Linking with Holley Gerth