This post feels like one of my more personal ones, because God got all up in my emotions and false truths. He had to reveal how off I have been. Maybe you can relate.
Our local Christian radio station had a contest where you could create the fish logo however you want and post it on social media with a certain hashtag. If they called your name at 3 specific times per day, you had 10 minutes to call the station and claim a $100 gift card. If you did that, you were entered to win the $10,000 grand prize at the end of May.
Well, I made a fish out of Coke cans. It took me a few minutes total and my name was mentioned 2 days later, so I called back and qualified. It was so exciting! It was fun to think about how great the grand prize money would be, but I almost didn’t want to win. The idea of winning when so many people need it more would have made me feel really guilty.
My 12 year old was the one who reminded me that it would help with fostering needs that will come up soon. I nodded along as she talked. Yes, yes, I will need to devote more time to appointments and helping with homework than a job. Her words didn’t sink in too deep, but I didn’t want my guilt to rub off on her so I agreed.
Now, I am on the launch team for Kelly Balarie’s new book, Battle Ready, and happened to read a sentence that leaped off the page at me the night before the drawing. THE NIGHT BEFORE. God knew how badly I needed this. It said, “What if you actually started to believe God has good gifts for you because you are His beloved daughter?” The moment I read that I knew it was for me.
In my mind, I don’t deserve good things. Sometimes it is because others need it more. Sometimes it is because I don’t think I have earned it. I struggle with letting God give me a gift out of His love for me. I have a hard time thanking God and just being happy and feeling blessed.
Looking back, I started saying, “But wait. When James has gotten good raises or promotions at work, I am happy and not guilty. This must not be true!” Then I realize that in those times, I am proud of my husband for his hard work. It wasn’t up to me. When it has been something of mine, I feel unworthy of receiving.
Just to let you know, I didn’t win. The woman who won the $10,000 is pregnant with her seventh baby, and I am pretty sure she is happier than I would have been. God always blesses the right person at the right time.
What I am now working on is learning to receive graciously whatever God wants to give me. He loves me! Don’t we all enjoy giving gifts to those we love? He knew I wasn’t ready for this one, but I want to be ready next time.
Battle Ready is available for presale and comes out July 3. I have taken so many notes from it, but I can tell I will go back to it many times for more. It will be an amazing resource and refresher when God has a new message for me. If you want God to work on you and grown your faith and pull you closer, you need this book!
Linking with Holley Gerth